Greetings, earthlings

Here I am, yet another speck on the internet. Holding a few ions hostage just to tell you a wee bit about me . . . what is it we do this for? Is this true communication or just talking to ourselves. Not sure which. But here it is, nonetheless.

I woke up this morning & cried, I realized I wanted to stay in bed, asleep, not have to face this day. Nothing by itself in particular is so bad. Everything together is so bad. What calls to me today? Household chores, numerous and endless, are the stuff that fills my days. Unless I rise to ready to head to the workplace, which I dread more and more. Nothing particular there, either. Just 25 years of it and I'm tired. There's that JCAHO thing as well; but that's another story. I'm without a circle of friends at this juncture, so I work, come home, and little is in between. I do see my family now & then, for which I am thankful. But even being too close to one's family can become onerous. Blessed sleep relieves me sometimes, but as I am a chronic insomniac, not even that is a given.

Seems I have lost whatever/whoever I am/was. I drift along propulsed by a need to pay the bills, do what's right, fulfill the obligations of employment. But there's a distinct lack of joy, of enthusiasm, of energy. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Perhaps so. There has been a beating down over time with which I may acquaint you here in other posts. I lose the initiative to get up again for more of the same. Never having been a very confident being, this process has been quite harmful to my psyche. Something like scars or eschar covers that which might have been eager to try again, to stand up & face life, to say "what the hell" and forge ahead. I find it difficult to see through that blinder and find the thing called fortitude...

Wow, dismal!! I haven't more to say now, at least naught that's inclined to levity today.

Maybe you'll come back to see if I have had an attitude adjustment... maybe not.

Tata for now.